tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1754775696557258731.post6035472890077627994..comments2009-11-29T21:46:21.413-05:00Comments on Here Comes the Sun: Discussions with GodStacey39http://www.blogger.com/profile/01147227412162445976noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1754775696557258731.post-33786166941724356672009-11-16T01:29:39.257-05:002009-11-16T01:29:39.257-05:00Stacy,
This piece was extremely emotional! Your de...Stacy,<br />This piece was extremely emotional! Your description of the hospital room and the final moments was very easy to relate to. I felt as if you were describing my grandmothers death. Your conversation with God created tension causing the reader to feel sad and angry that your grandmother had to die. This was very well done! <br />-CassieCassie Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06090938257582566586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1754775696557258731.post-90723064806657696472009-11-16T01:23:22.676-05:002009-11-16T01:23:22.676-05:00Hello Stacey
Another good, emotionally touching s...Hello Stacey<br /><br />Another good, emotionally touching story. Strong descriptions really help bring the reader into the moment. And you didn’t cop out with the ending with a tacky feel good moment, you just give us a piece of your life at that time.<br /><br />One thing I would like to see from you is something alittle bit lighter. All of your posts have been very heavy, emotionally charged moments of serious retrospection. While these posts were done very well, I think it is important (for this class, anyways) to see you branch out and use your writing skills in different ways. It will help develop variety in your writing and to make sure you don’t pigeonhole yourself into writing only for catharsis. I think you can pull off lighter material just as well as you did the more difficult pieces. Hope that helps!Jeremy Dunlophttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662830082081557617noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1754775696557258731.post-39040053526276143782009-11-15T22:09:04.957-05:002009-11-15T22:09:04.957-05:00Damn. This is a really emotional piece, and you co...Damn. This is a really emotional piece, and you convey that so well. There probably aren’t that many people in the world that haven’t been touched in some way by cancer, whether it’s a personal or happening to family or friends. When reading this I really got a sense of your helplessness, trying to pray because you feel too ‘sedated’ to do anything else. <br /><br />I think this piece works so well because it’s a single moment, but you refer to past events, like what your used to be/look like. Your inner thoughts/prayers also really flesh out the scene and tell us what is going on inside your head. The last line is like a punch in the gut.<br /><br />One thing: <i>She always favoured her first.</i> Is there a typo in this sentence? It doesn’t quite make sense in context. <br /><br /><br />Man. <i>Fuck cancer.</i>Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02666152621536739437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1754775696557258731.post-79046023594953380462009-11-15T12:38:12.498-05:002009-11-15T12:38:12.498-05:00(my first comment was typo-ridden.)
This was a gre...(my first comment was typo-ridden.)<br />This was a great piece, Stacey. Once again, you wrote about something that would be emotionally difficult and it paid off. I think this was my favourite piece by you so far.<br />I really liked the third paragraph, that begins with "The hospital reeks of failing flesh. The room looks like it was meant for two but we’ve cramped it with ten family members." It perfectly described the feeling that a hospital has. The idea of describing the smell is great too. In a second year writing class, I wrote about visiting my dying Grandma at a nursing home, and this reminds me a lot of what I wrote. There's a feeling of unease, saddness, anger. There's a smell that you want to forget. There's a person who doesn't even look like the person you went to go visit. It's sad and it makes you angry. I like the idea of your inner discussion with God, because rather than your own thoughts, it adds a depth to the piece because it brings God into it too, but without being overly preachy and potentially shutting out readers who aren't religious. <br />I think my favourite part was how accurately you got the description of the feeling mixed with the setting, which is especially shown in that 3rd paragraph. <br />Great job.Whitney Bourgouinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05108124572730391241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1754775696557258731.post-60319165375264612472009-11-15T12:36:23.695-05:002009-11-15T12:36:23.695-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Whitney Bourgouinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05108124572730391241noreply@blogger.com